29 Years of Reflections . . . #Connections

Life Lessons On #Connections

“Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.” Proverbs 13:20 [MSG]


Do you understand your company? Do you understand your place as a link? Are your goals and identity complimentary to those in your circle? How well is the blend of your chain from start to finish? Do you compliment & represent each other seamlessly?

The subject matter of #connections is so much deeper for me than just considering the outside party. After 29 years of family, friendships and all the other bond types that have come in between, I can’t reflect on connections without also considering myself. #connections for me are worth mentioning because it’s never just a one-sided story. If anybody intends to pass this class you MUST have a firm grip on roles and relationships. You have to know that being connected requires relationship; taking who you are and being willing to invest in others at different levels; according to the capacity you’re seeking to make them a part of your journey, and their need of you for theirs. It took me a minute to grasp this fact, along with other important nuggets on the subject matter.


Growing up I did not understand the power of #connection. I was raised to be obedient and follow order but misappropriated the importance of pleasing others with the value of my own worth and purpose. When we start out life not being affirmed of our place we abuse what is around us to get the benefits of #connection. Humans were created to be connected [Gen 2:18; Eccl 4:9-12] not only with man, but to God [John 15:5] so it’s merely the acting out of a natural instinct when we find ourselves doing things in order to fulfill a desire to be connected to someone or something. It’s even natural to feel we must perform and please in order that our #connections would then give us love, acceptance, inclusion and the like; depending on how you were raised, the values of your culture, the structure of your societal values and beliefs. It’s totally not a huge surprise that we as the human race would deem it necessary to manipulate situations and people to get #connected, and when we don’t feel connected will slump into depression / anxiety / fear.


In any case, I wasn’t the hugest tearaway as a child but did crave attention at certain points and in others lacked a true essence of self-awareness that would point me in the right direction. I knew what I liked and some of the things I was good at. But still craved validation and affirmation from my connections in order to get by to my next. Now at one year away from 30, I know that #connection and identity are very closely affiliated. Because if your identity isn’t secure, then how you connect will malfunction and in some cases self-destruct as you encounter various life instances.

Throughout my growth and development in Chirst, I’ve had to learn how #connections work and how #connections can work for me in the right way. Here are some points I’d like to share and I hope they’re beneficial to you.

4 Things to Remember When Making & Maintaining #Connections . . .

1. There’s a Bold Line Between Connection & Peer

  • You don’t always owe an explanation for how you connect (unless you’re married or a minor then that’s different LoL). If you’re anything like me then you know the price of your package is something everyone can’t afford. Your true self is your most vulnerable self.

“Everyone can’t handle your scars. Access to who you are should be restricted within reason but someone should be allowed to come in.”

Always value your truest self. Being connected is a life necessity but you’re never to take a posture of desperation. Everything and everyone will come at their appropriated time and season. Trust the one who knows your plans [Jer 29:11] and don’t allocate titles to individuals who don’t qualify.

  • There may be some people you don’t wish to be connected to or know it’s best for you to not connect. You don’t owe any apologies however neither does that discredit what you can learn from them. Whether good or bad, I believe we can embrace others better and come to quicker conclusions on where to draw the line when we make the choice to understand life from others lenses.


2. Change is Okay



  • Just like we outgrow clothing, shoes, lifestyles and food preference, our taste in people also has the right to shift. Anyone who holds your progress and happiness hostage for the sake of their own is hoarding you and should not be considered a #connection, but rather a leech.
  • Note these suggested indicators as signs for needed change in your circle –
    • constantly belittling others
    • indulging in pity parties
    • never making moves to be bigger or connect to greater
    • there is little agreeance in the areas of ambition and goals
  • Evolution should exist in some capacity of the life span of your #connections. If people aren’t shifting out / in there should be noticeable transitions in those you keep close if they’re to remain on your journey. I have two #connections who both live in different states than me, and although we don’t talk every day I know our connection has proven the test of time because when we do catch up I can see the growth and our mindsets remain fixed in like manner.
  • Don’t get played by fear or familiarity. If we intend to live in Christ and follow His call on our life [Luke 9:23] we can’t dictate the life span of friendships and locations. Always be clear on your position when #connected and if distance or close proximity is what’s required.

3. Connect on Purpose


  • You should always have your own reasons and evidence that is confirmed by the Holy Spirit when deciding who you embrace and who you will let go of [Romans 14:12; Col 3:17; 1 John 4:1]. Don’t go by the opinions of others alone when considering who to attach / detach from.
  • Always do your homework! I understand now more than ever that anybody I’m going to dedicate time, relationship or vulnerability to is an investment. If my research indicates that I likely won’t get a return on my connection, my decision to engage with that person or begin my venture holds the knowledge and understanding of that truth. As a result disappointment cannot present itself, and if by chance I happen upon a surprise it will be positive because my expectations were never set for anything in return.

4. Be an Asset, Not a Liability


  • Note what you bring to the chain to strengthen and what could potentially weaken / hinder the bond because of you. Are you more of a taker or a giver?
  • Character is the most valuable treasure a person can contribute towards building a #connection. Correct character that is executed with wisdom in every season and occasion can make you an asset in so many instances.
  • Being an asset reaps bountiful blessings for future life changes such as marriage, parenting, and leadership. When you understand the requirement of being a blessing to your #connections, blessings are reciprocated back to you.
  • You could be a liability and not know it. But if you do know it, consider:
    • Is there a dependency issue? – on your side or theirs?
    • Are the behaviors being played out healthy for your connection? your future development? accomplishing your life goals?


The Most important thing I can leave with you about #connections is that Jesus Christ is your source [John 14:6]. The reason for this blog site coming to exist was because of a season for me where the Holy Spirit was my sole #connection. Depending on where God is leading [John 16:13] and the call He has on your life, you may have to shift your thinking so that you can be properly aligned to your season and prepared to walk successfully with whoever you’re called to connect with.

If you have #connection issues, you may want to first assess from a place of honesty. Once you understand the source, choose to be responsible with who has access to you until you get total victory over what cripples your #connections from thriving. For me it was abandonment issues, rejection and comparing that made me a less favorable connection. Now that I understand my identity, am confident in my purpose and focused on my future there’s no time to worry about who stays and who leaves, or even attempt to compare the journey.

Sneak Peek for Next week 🙂
My Reflections on being #Unique

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