I can’t imagine how any person on the face of planet earth would readily volunteer to be sinking in quicksand. But how many out there know we are all susceptible to being at a place in life where suddenly and without warning, you find out you’ve fallen and just can’t get up! What few will share and most who’ve never journeyed here know, is that after the sting, when we’re finally ready to rise up from the ashes, THIS is where the fight often begins!
I’ve sat in many ‘pits’ throughout my lifetime. Yet and still I slid into my worst self-made trap the moment I decided to look my demons in the face and address the monsters in my closet. I wrote about the monsters in part one but before I could draft a part two, I was ambushed. WOW! heavy footed, can’t budge even a squinch and the thick ooze of my despair is getting closer towards the neck and on into my nostrils and ears. Sand is chaotic and irritating but in quicksand, you feel powerless. I knew steps, I had desire, but still found myself with a lot of dense and meaningless ‘stuff’ that had filled my cracks and left me paralyzed….
Delving into the anatomy of my A.R.F (abandonment, rejection & fear) was the ultimate quadruple dog dare. My strength would take a beating as I learned more about my weaknesses and flaws, all of which fed forces whose fame was a gimmick! There lies a great truth to what my enemy used for ammo… ME! The words I spoke and what I believed about the state of my condition not only falsely framed my identity but allowed these beasts a platform to gloat. I’m going to stick a small segway into this part of my blog to answer the question of some smart being who may ask or wonder if I was my OWN worst enemy. In short, yes. No doubt outer influences can attack and/or pose their threats. But sometimes we can fall for the illusion WE create of believing that we deserve what we are getting, or even that we DON’T deserve to win!
The story gets better because I soon found out Indiana Jones is real. But first I had to sincerely want freedom from the big bad wolf and for a season I was content with being left for dead. Problem numero uno! The realization of ‘it’s time to get up’ can present itself and we can even have a desire to stand tall and look dignified once again, but it’s not until we actively reach for the right ammunition that we’ll get our breakthrough to change.
Sometimes it’s waaaayyy easier for us to forfeit our rights to fight, be heard, express our personal opinions or represent ourselves as different. We cower because of not enjoying confrontation, not wanting to encounter disappointment, or just being too tired and broken to care. Here lies the next part of the battle; understanding that confrontation is imminent when being processed. For all of us who were born to win there is an adversary who hopes that we fail. It’s crazy how any man could be cool with living the life of an imposter, but truthfully, we’re ok with staying stuck because we’re just not willing to shine. We’re not willing because we don’t know that our worth is valuable. We don’t know because we’re connected to the wrong resource.
This list can be painstakingly endless when we really sit and think about it. What I would like to do though is zone in on the affirmative. How one can avoid fighting against the urge to slip into a pit of doom and instead be LIFTED up and onto solid ground.
Consider any life area where you’ve had to battle abandonment, rejection and/or fear. Or are presently stagnant in life due to one of these emotions. If you’re warmly acquainted then it’s not hard to pinpoint the signs. When in combat with these feelings remember that breaking free IS possible. I’m learning to stand more on these principles each day in conquering my A.R.F monster:
- BE OPEN – We don’t have to accept the fate of living alone or mourning the past when someone has disconnected. Just as people exit our lives we should leave room for what’s new and fresh without comparing or being guarded.
- CHOOSE WELL & WISE – We have the power to make decisions about the access we give others and the impact we want them to have on our lives at various levels.
- EXERCISE UNDERSTANDING – We cannot force relationship or connection on anyone. We remain where we desire to be and take those who are destined to go where we’re headed. If our connections have no desire to include us or aren’t destined for where we’re headed next then the shift was required. There should always be an understanding of purpose in every life we are connected to.
- DEFLECT THE NEGATIVE – Rejection is not about you even though it happens to you. It doesn’t have to be a sad story and you’re not the helpless victim. Neither are ‘they’ the villain. Our piece to the puzzle always has purpose, it may just be assigned to an unexpected place or reserved for an appointed time [think cart before the horse – never works].
- OPINION IS NOT ALWAYS TRUTH – Acceptance is a subjective matter and driven by opinion, which can be formed based off of several influences such as culture, attitudes, values, and beliefs. What is subjective isn’t always truth.
- EXERCISE UNDERSTANDING – Rejection comes with benefits when we take emotions out of it and consider the bigger picture.
- GET TO THE ROOT – Fear begins with something we believe to be true and have processed negatively. In wanting to avoid the negative, we’re convinced that we should fear it/them.
- FEAR IS NOT WORTH YOUR FUTURE – If the thing / person you fear is stopping you from taking hold of your future then you must find a way to address and/or change your perception of what you fear and how it is affecting your tomorrow.
- EXERCISE UNDERSTANDING – Often there is a missing piece of information or an avoided experience that has the power to shift fear out of the equation. But in order to obtain the knowledge and gain new insight, our fear/s must be confronted.
It’s ultimately our choice as to whether or not we desire to live with our monsters. But we forfeit so much when we do. My declaration is to live life unstuck. Regardless of the occurrences, I’m finding more beauty in my now moments and less reasons to cry over what’s dead and gone. A life that counts in this world must be healthy, whole and excited about the future. So I’m going under the bed and clearing out my closet.
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