There is a four letter word that over the past 27 1/2 years of my life I have wrestled with. From the day I was conceived this word struck a chord with my soul, enticing me to a need to have fulfilled the ultimate mandate of my heart. In spite of all the counterfeits it had always been there, but my lack of familiarity with this word would take me on a journey to find it. This blog is my open book encounter with LOVE. Real LOVE. Not the concept of it or the false appearance of it, fabricated by fairy tales and fantasy.
My former attempts to obtain, steal, attract and covet LOVE stemmed from the make up of a frail and damaged female. Who from the time of her birth would encounter so many things which LOVE was not, while yet and still being chosen to show what LOVE is.
It wasn’t until recently that it hit me like a ton of bricks from the blind spot of my life that LOVE has always been there.
LOVE was always waiting, LOVE wanted me, cared for me, desired to fill me and make me into who love always meant for me to become.
It’s not the most pretty painted picture in the world, but as I sit and reflect, my LOVE story is the truest illustration I know of how LOVE chose me @John3:16. And THAT is exactly what makes this beautiful; that even in the midst of something so ugly and recluse LOVE could still see me (if that makes sense), and love knew it could not ‘fix’ me over night, it could not make me into who I am not; LOVE understood its purpose was to be the expression of itself TO me so that in turn I could BE that expression. I hope like me, this journey is something that will not only inspire you, but will also be a reservoir from where you can pull strength and encouragement if love is lacking or missing in your life.
No faking, no sugar coats or gum drops. THIS blog requires all masks off as I dare you with me to look LOVE square in the eye; with all its grit, dirt & unimaginable funk.
My journey to LOVE started before I was even born. It knew me and everything that IS me…. all of my baggage, security issues, un forgiveness, low self esteem, suicidal thoughts, self hatred, bitterness, pride and depression, AND YET…. LOVE valued brokenness enough to be broken itself. It willfully took bruises and wounds to be acquainted with my grief and bore my sorrows that I might one day possess unspeakable joy. LOVE knew I would betray it, spit on it, push and shove it. LOVE knew I would lie on it, curse at it, mock and ridicule its name. LOVE knew I would hang it on a cross and drive nails deep into hands and feet whose innocence would outpour the sacrifice of an offering NO MAN could ever repay.
LOVE laid eyes on me and said ‘she’s mine’ when it died in my place.
LOVE chose me @John 3:16